Posts tagged jokes

billyeichner:

HEY!!! Here’s your first look at the new season of Billy On The Street! With Seth Meyers, Paul Rudd, Lena Dunham, Amy Poehler and more!!! Premieres Weds March 12th on FUSE!

GET EXCITED!

obligatory polar vortex joke

obligatory polar vortex joke

notnadia:

STEPHEN COLBERT KNOWS THE TRUTH

BE STILL MY HEART

billyeichner:

It’s official! #BillyOnTheStreet season 3 premieres March 12 on Fuse! http://bit.ly/19keyfW

Hey I wrote something for the new season of Billy on the Street! I just remembered that! I can’t wait to watch!
See, sometimes writing 9000 joke packets for sketch shows does work out because even if they don’t hire you full time they might buy some jokes and give you a consultant credit of sorts!!! At least that’s what I tell myself to make myself feel better about all the work I’m doing and none of the money I’m making!
Sometimes being a writer is THE WORST and sometimes it is THE BEST, but either way — it’s not easy, but I guess none of the best stuff is anyway.

billyeichner:

It’s official! #BillyOnTheStreet season 3 premieres March 12 on Fuse! http://bit.ly/19keyfW

Hey I wrote something for the new season of Billy on the Street! I just remembered that! I can’t wait to watch!

See, sometimes writing 9000 joke packets for sketch shows does work out because even if they don’t hire you full time they might buy some jokes and give you a consultant credit of sorts!!! At least that’s what I tell myself to make myself feel better about all the work I’m doing and none of the money I’m making!

Sometimes being a writer is THE WORST and sometimes it is THE BEST, but either way — it’s not easy, but I guess none of the best stuff is anyway.

Sheldon’s got hoes in just one area code. #207 #maine  #clams #jokes

Sheldon’s got hoes in just one area code. #207 #maine #clams #jokes

megsokay:

Happy Presidents’ Day. Come to my party (from last year).

I love this. Meghan you are great.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

After hours of spending my day doing other things of more value, I’m pleased to present my short film “Boba Fett Kills the Other Toys and Steals a Sailboat.”
Due to a last minute schedule change when I had to make a new playlist on Spotify, we shot without a script, but even with such an in-demand star (with some ridiculous demands of his own, I might add — I mean, “above ground pool with cucumber-infused water?” Really Boba?) and a weather-dependent method of transportation, I think I really nailed my first foray into the genre of science fiction mumblecore, or as I like to call it, sciencefictionmumblecore. I still can’t believe we got the dragon from the How To Train Your Dragon McDonald’s Happy Meal partnership!

After hours of spending my day doing other things of more value, I’m pleased to present my short film “Boba Fett Kills the Other Toys and Steals a Sailboat.”

Due to a last minute schedule change when I had to make a new playlist on Spotify, we shot without a script, but even with such an in-demand star (with some ridiculous demands of his own, I might add — I mean, “above ground pool with cucumber-infused water?” Really Boba?) and a weather-dependent method of transportation, I think I really nailed my first foray into the genre of science fiction mumblecore, or as I like to call it, sciencefictionmumblecore. I still can’t believe we got the dragon from the How To Train Your Dragon McDonald’s Happy Meal partnership!

Go watch 'The Morning After' on Hulu!

You are welcome for the jokes about Katherine Heigl, Homeland, and the Jamie Foxx hosting SNL segment.

I am a working writer

24 hours ago I was really drunk at a friend’s holiday party and this guy offered me a job and I said yes and now I am officially (FINALLY) a working writer.

Let me explain: yesterday afternoon, post-brunch and a trip to Michael’s for some craft supplies I decided to take a nap (brunch included many mimosas). During this nap a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while called. I missed his call, and as is my way, I did not check my voicemail or anything because when I woke up from said nap three hours later I immediately had to get ready for the holiday party and also I don’t like to use my phone on Saturdays.

But this friend of mine, Matt, is also in my wider social circle of friends, so of course when I spotted him at the party, I thought, “oh yeah, he called me earlier!” and yelled out his last name. Then we had this conversation:

Matt: What are you doing the next two weeks?

Me: Writing. Yoga. I have to finish my pilot and turn in a pitch before Christmas but that’s about it.

Matt: Do you want to come write on The Morning After?

Me: Sure?

Matt: Okay great we’ll see you tomorrow at 1:45pm.

Annnnnd then today I showed up to my new office and we started writing immediately and then we watched TV shows and wrote jokes about TV shows and by 8pm we were taping and I got to watch the hosts read jokes I had written a few hours earlier and it was weird and cool and tomorrow morning you better believe I’m going to be posting the episode here for you all to watch and like and share.

So the moral of this story is that you should always listen to your voicemail because if you don’t then you might accept a job offer at a party when you are already really drunk, like too far past the point of no return, and then you could be really, really hungover on your first day of work.

Stars, they’re just like Us!

Stars, they’re just like Us!

The Summer Olympics are a grand spectacle of sport. The Winter Olympics are just 48 types of sliding.

SETH MEYERS, Weekend Update (via inothernews)

I LOL’ed at this one last night.

(via irrationalurges)

LOL SETH MEYERS. (Actually, I’m one of those people who prefers the Winter Olympics to the Summer Games. Obviously this is because I am from Maine which is like America’s answer to Norway and I grew up skiing, figure skating and sledding, much like our Norwegian brethren.)

A poem

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Poop is brown

(unless you ate beets because then your poop might also be red)