Posts tagged celebs

Michael Weatherly, I have loved you since you were wearing glasses and stuck in a wheel chair and spouting futuristic nonsense to Jessica Alba in Dark Angel. You have aged so, so well. You can be my boyfriend too.

Michael Weatherly, I have loved you since you were wearing glasses and stuck in a wheel chair and spouting futuristic nonsense to Jessica Alba in Dark Angel. You have aged so, so well. You can be my boyfriend too.

First thing you need to know is that while everyone else might be live tweeting the Oscars, I am going to be live tweeting Anne Hathaway. Secondly, this happened earlier today, which is interesting because Roseanne Barr does not follow me on Twitter, meaning that either she follows someone who retweeted me or she regularly searches for tweets about Anne Hathaway. It’s probably the former but I shall choose to believe it’s the latter, because Anne Hathaway is just that terrible

First thing you need to know is that while everyone else might be live tweeting the Oscars, I am going to be live tweeting Anne Hathaway. Secondly, this happened earlier today, which is interesting because Roseanne Barr does not follow me on Twitter, meaning that either she follows someone who retweeted me or she regularly searches for tweets about Anne Hathaway. It’s probably the former but I shall choose to believe it’s the latter, because Anne Hathaway is just that terrible

I have so many things to say about Guess Who?. First of all, this game is pretty unintentionally anti-women, which I find amusing, but just because it was made in the 80s, so, of course. Secondly, I am constantly seeing people in real life who I think could be a Hank or a Carl or a George — like, some people are best described as Guess Who? characters. Thirdly, I want someone to make a movie from this. I mean, if we’re making movies from board games (which we are) then why not just get after it and do Guess Who? Although if you think about it, all these characters are probably at least over 40 and some of them are divorced and maybe have kids — if Apatow did dark, then maybe he could do the live-action Guess Who? film adaptation. Do I want to do this? What started as a joke now has me considering. Fourthly, while we’re on the subject, how about an Apples to Apples movie? Okay I don’t actually want that.
(Also, I hope you’re impressed with how committed I’ve been to properly crediting the title of this game as Guess Who?, question mark and all).

I have so many things to say about Guess Who?. First of all, this game is pretty unintentionally anti-women, which I find amusing, but just because it was made in the 80s, so, of course. Secondly, I am constantly seeing people in real life who I think could be a Hank or a Carl or a George — like, some people are best described as Guess Who? characters. Thirdly, I want someone to make a movie from this. I mean, if we’re making movies from board games (which we are) then why not just get after it and do Guess Who? Although if you think about it, all these characters are probably at least over 40 and some of them are divorced and maybe have kids — if Apatow did dark, then maybe he could do the live-action Guess Who? film adaptation. Do I want to do this? What started as a joke now has me considering. Fourthly, while we’re on the subject, how about an Apples to Apples movie? Okay I don’t actually want that.

(Also, I hope you’re impressed with how committed I’ve been to properly crediting the title of this game as Guess Who?, question mark and all).

Mark Harmon used to be such a stud. I mean, sure he’s looking pretty silvery foxy on NCIS, but I prefer him with the flowing locks and Hawaiian shirt any day.

Mark Harmon used to be such a stud. I mean, sure he’s looking pretty silvery foxy on NCIS, but I prefer him with the flowing locks and Hawaiian shirt any day.

I’m not bored anymore!

I’m not bored anymore!

KIMYE KARDASHIAN WEST

THEY BETTER NAME THAT BABY KIMYE!

(It’s even gender neutral!!!!)

It’s not just me, right?

It’s not just me, right?

Stars, they’re just like Us!

Stars, they’re just like Us!

Whenever I see pics of Kim and Kanye that also feature Jonathan Cheban lurking to the side or in the background I’m always just wondering what Kanye thinks of him. Like, does Kanye merely tolerate the dude? Does he think he’s annoying as fuck? Do they even interact with each other? Can Kanye and Jonathan get a spinoff show so we can explore this relationship further?

Whenever I see pics of Kim and Kanye that also feature Jonathan Cheban lurking to the side or in the background I’m always just wondering what Kanye thinks of him. Like, does Kanye merely tolerate the dude? Does he think he’s annoying as fuck? Do they even interact with each other? Can Kanye and Jonathan get a spinoff show so we can explore this relationship further?

this is horrible
surisburnbook:

Time for another edition of “Somebody’s Lying About Suri Cruise.” As the school year (blech) begins, plenty of folks are starting ghastly rumors about me — let’s debunk them, shall we?
I was photographed this weekend near a dog, and everyone assumed that I had a new pet. While it’s no secret I am in the market for a little furry companion, you all should really know better. What I want is a tiny puppy I can name Anderson Cooper and carry around in a Louis Vuitton bag. This dog (Katie’s brother’s) looks like the stray that Little Orphan Annie picked up off the street. I have standards.
Katie got new shoes! False. I made that up, because I so badly want it to be true. I’m actually starting to believe those elfin boots are welded to her feet like the ruby slippers in The Wizard of Oz — only in Katie’s case, the bonding agent is laziness and bad taste, not witch magic. I am worried she is planning to wear them to her runway show next week. Yikes.
Page Six is reporting that my classmates’ parents are … worried that their daughters will be mistaken for me by the paparazzi? According to a source, “The girls will all be in uniforms, and they’re worried their daughters will be mistaken for Suri by the paparazzi outside the school.” I don’t know if this is true, but if it is, wow are they stupid. They really have nothing to worry about — I’m very confident that the paparazzi know the difference between Suri Cruise and a commoner. And there is a difference.
Multiple sources report that I wrote a book. This one is, of course, true, and it’s officially on sale today. Yeah, and those other kindergarteners think they could be confused for me.

Go buy SURI’S BURN BOOK!

surisburnbook:

Time for another edition of “Somebody’s Lying About Suri Cruise.” As the school year (blech) begins, plenty of folks are starting ghastly rumors about me — let’s debunk them, shall we?

  1. I was photographed this weekend near a dog, and everyone assumed that I had a new pet. While it’s no secret I am in the market for a little furry companion, you all should really know better. What I want is a tiny puppy I can name Anderson Cooper and carry around in a Louis Vuitton bag. This dog (Katie’s brother’s) looks like the stray that Little Orphan Annie picked up off the street. I have standards.
  2. Katie got new shoes! False. I made that up, because I so badly want it to be true. I’m actually starting to believe those elfin boots are welded to her feet like the ruby slippers in The Wizard of Oz — only in Katie’s case, the bonding agent is laziness and bad taste, not witch magic. I am worried she is planning to wear them to her runway show next week. Yikes.
  3. Page Six is reporting that my classmates’ parents are … worried that their daughters will be mistaken for me by the paparazzi? According to a source, “The girls will all be in uniforms, and they’re worried their daughters will be mistaken for Suri by the paparazzi outside the school.” I don’t know if this is true, but if it is, wow are they stupid. They really have nothing to worry about — I’m very confident that the paparazzi know the difference between Suri Cruise and a commoner. And there is a difference.
  4. Multiple sources report that I wrote a book. This one is, of course, true, and it’s officially on sale today. Yeah, and those other kindergarteners think they could be confused for me.

Go buy SURI’S BURN BOOK!

I just want to figure out a way to insert myself into their family. Maybe they need a babysitter?

I just want to figure out a way to insert myself into their family. Maybe they need a babysitter?

bbook:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BEAUTIFUL PRINCE.

David Duchovny’s birthday should be a national holiday.

bbook:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BEAUTIFUL PRINCE.

David Duchovny’s birthday should be a national holiday.