Posts tagged Suri's Burn Book

surisburnbook:

It’s mutual.

Hipster, homeless, or celebrity offspring?

surisburnbook:

In a new promotional video for Smart Water, Jennifer Aniston pokes fun at the constant pregnancy rumors surrounding her by suggesting that she is pregnant with triplets and hiding it.

I, for one, do not think this is a laughing matter. Doesn’t Jen know how much this hurts us, to see her mock our pain? Doesn’t she understand that when magazines make up pregnancy rumors about her, it’s just because they love her and want her to be happy? And everyone knows she won’t be happy until she has babies.

I know I won’t be happy until Jennifer Aniston is a mom.

Suri speaks for the women of America.

imwithkanye:

Suri Cruise burns through summer. 

(Special thanks to Allie Hagan for creating what is my favorite Tumblr-Turned-Book.)

All of Suri’s Burn Book is really good but this part is my favorite. (Taken with Instagram)

surisburnbook:

Time for another edition of “Somebody’s Lying About Suri Cruise.” As the school year (blech) begins, plenty of folks are starting ghastly rumors about me — let’s debunk them, shall we?

1. I was photographed this weekend near a dog, and everyone assumed that I had a new pet. While it’s no secret I am in the market for a little furry companion, you all should really know better. What I want is a tiny puppy I can name Anderson Cooper and carry around in a Louis Vuitton bag. This dog (Katie’s brother’s) looks like the stray that Little Orphan Annie picked up off the street. I have standards.
2. Katie got new shoes! False. I made that up, because I so badly want it to be true. I’m actually starting to believe those elfin boots are welded to her feet like the ruby slippers in The Wizard of Oz — only in Katie’s case, the bonding agent is laziness and bad taste, not witch magic. I am worried she is planning to wear them to her runway show next week. Yikes.
3. Page Six is reporting that my classmates’ parents are … worried that their daughters will be mistaken for me by the paparazzi? According to a source, “The girls will all be in uniforms, and they’re worried their daughters will be mistaken for Suri by the paparazzi outside the school.” I don’t know if this is true, but if it is, wow are they stupid. They really have nothing to worry about — I’m very confident that the paparazzi know the difference between Suri Cruise and a commoner. And there is a difference.
4. Multiple sources report that I wrote a book. This one is, of course, true, and it’s officially on sale today. Yeah, and those other kindergarteners think they could be confused for me.

Go buy SURI’S BURN BOOK!

surisburnbook:

My book won’t be officially released until September 4 (I’m trying to upstage Beyonce on her birthday), but like everything sought-after in the industry, it has leaked early online. 

You can peek inside this work of art (or even buy it) at Barnes and Noble or Amazon. Proceeds will go to the “Help Violet Affleck Dress Better” Charity Fund. Haha, just kidding. There’s not enough money in the world for that.

surisburnbook:

Are we sure this is Angelina Jolie as Maleficent and not just Angelina Jolie in the dark of night? I guess I just feel like if this is what Brad Pitt sees every morning, I’d understand why he’s too afraid to leave.

I’m totally openly scared of Angelina Jolie

surisburnbook:

You know how I know Katherine Heigl is a witch?

Because dark magic is the only way she could’ve gotten those jeans on.

Suri and I would really get along.