The dining hall is among everyone’s first village stops. “When I walked in for the first time in Atlanta,” says women’s soccer player Brandi Chastain, “there were loud cheers. So we look over and see two French handballers dressed only in socks, shoes, jockstraps, neckties and hats on top of a dining table, feeding one another lunch. We’re like, ‘Holy cow, what is this place?’
“My last Olympics, I had a girlfriend — big mistake,” Lochte says. “Now I’m single, so London should be really good. I’m excited.”
Rest assured, America: Ryan Lochte WILL be fucking some women during these Games. I know you were worried.
I hope they wear condoms! (Actually I kinda hope they don’t because then we could end up with a whole bunch of crazy athletic multiracial international super babies nine months from now!)