If the LoveSac company wants to give me a LoveSac, I already have an entire blogging week of LoveSac reviews in mind; How LoveSacs Feel on Monday, How LoveSacs Feel on Tuesday, How LoveSacs Feel on Wednesday, How… you get the idea.
I’m tearing up thinking about how amazing it was.
I WANT A LOVESAC
Attention! I would make a MOST EXCELLENT career housesitter. Just this weekend I was housesitting, and let me tell you I have really outdone myself.
Here are some of things that qualify me as a SUPERB HOUSESITTER:
- I might sleep in a different bed each night to avoid stripping the beds. Because I mean, what’s one night? Right?
- I might play the piano at 3am on a Sunday. I only know how to play the first verse of “Memory” from Cats and then the same three notes from a depressing song from Godspell about a pebble (what’s that? Why yes, I did in fact embrace musicals as a child, how did you know?)
- I will eat whatever I want to eat.
- I will eat wherever I want to eat.
- I will tan topless in the backyard and yell at your dogs to “stop looking at me” anytime they come within two feet of my lawn chair.
- I will do 7 loads of laundry. I may wash some things twice.
- I will MAYBE put my dishes in the dishwasher. MAYBE.
- I will go to the bathroom with the door WIDE OPEN. Everytime.
- I’ll probably pick through all the medicine cabinets to see if there is anything interesting you are prescribed to that I would deem worth stealing for my own recreational experimentation.
- I will look at the books in your bookcase and I will judge your intelligence level.
- If I happen to flood your laundry room I’ll be resourceful and use the materials within my reach to shove the water out the door. But don’t worry, I’ll never tell you so you’ll have no idea.
- When I take a shower and run my fingers through my hair and notice some loose strands - because you know, this happens, especially to girls who have very long hair aka me - rather than, like, stick it on the wall to throw out post-shower, I’ll just let my hair go right down the drain. Down. The. Drain.
REMEMBER: The first thing I will do upon entering your home is see how much money you’ve left me, and based on that number I’ll plan how exactly I will take advantage of your home during my stay. I would recommend paying me a lot of money.
Housesitting is basically telling someone to eat whatever food they find and to shower in all your showers if they feel like it.
I feel like I’ve been marinating in chlorine all day. Everyone having a good weekend?
Is there anything better than listening to Nick Drake in the desert, looking up at the stars, with friends? (Fuck. I’m a hippie.)